Sunday, October 01, 2006

Cute? I think not.

Squirrels and deer seem to have a strange fetish for running in front of cars. My grandmother alone has hit three deer in the past two years. Now, in 2006, scientists have deduced what I have already known for quite some time - not only are these creatures (and birds) suicidal, they are quite homicidal. These kamakazee, "cute" little creatures have it in for us!
So it isn't bad enough that we have maniacs like Donald Rumsfield running around. We now have suicidal, muderous woodland creatures with an insane tendancy to slam themselves into cars and other vehicles.
My mother was driving me to school last year when something slammed into the side of our truck. BAMM-crack. Mom looked in her rearview mirror to see a puff of feathers - and a dent in the car.
Yes, animals have largely become suicidal. There is no real explanation for this recent wave of animal kamakazees. In one week I have seen enough dead deer and squirrels to feed the ingenious population of Africa for a month.
Scientists have, at least, begun to unravel the mystery of why squirrels cannot make up their minds. They're similar to Donald Trump, in a way. That could explain the dead one on his head. But I digress. See, the squirrels wait for a car, then run out and try to leap onto its undercarriage, climb in, hijack the driver, murder said homosapien, take the car to a hack shop, and get money for its parts. Yeah, those rodents are vicious. Fortunately, they usually misjudge their timing and meet the vehicle's front wheel.
And when one runs across the street and doesn't stop, it means the varmint is in cahoots with the deer. See, that's the signal for the deer to step out from the next curve and get hit, so the squirrel can hijack the car.
It's a bit scary, isn't it? They're going to take over the world next. At least, that's what I think. But no one listens to me. So don't say I didn't warn you. THEY'RE GOING TO KILL US ALL!
(sorry for spelling errors, spell check isn't cooperating.)

Posted by H.Ewing @ 2:03 PM

Listening

Well, right now, I'm watching TV and singing last year's choir and chorale songs.

Reading

Absolutely nothing. Although I hope to change that. Does my AP English textbook count?

Viewing

T.V., probably an archaeological, cryptozoology, true crime, or hauting show.